Pink Flamingos

Apparently the company that's been making the classic pink plastic lawn flamingo is going out of business after nearly 50 years, casting the future of kitschy lawn ornaments into doubt. Folks, there may not be any more pink plastic flamingos adorning America's lawns! People just aren't buying enough of them, so the company's going under!

But wait! I have an idea. Here's how to save the pink plastic lawn flamingo: make them out of recycled plastic; give them a woo-woo alternative lifestyle name (a la "Spirit of the Everglades"); and have them manufactured by some feel-good cooperative. Then sell them in a "rich hippy" lifestyle catalog such as Gaiam, like so:

Spirit of the Everglades: heal the earth while paying tribute to a wilder and more innocent America. These classic garden ornaments, in recycled plastic the vivid rose of a Caribbean dawn, are individually handcrafted by an indigenous women's cooperative high in the Andes. While evoking the spirit of Florida's wilderness--and the kitschy sincerity of Kennedy-era America--you can let the whole world know that you support recycling and economic independence for the native peoples of the Andes. $125.

Place your orders now, folks! Just visit www.cynicism.com!