Crotch District Attorney, and Reverend Haggard

Two related emails have arrived in my inbox. The first is spam, or at least I infer that it's spam from the fact that the sender is unknown to me and the subject line, in its entirety, is: "crotch district attorney." I mentioned this to my mom and asked if she thought I should open it--not because I want computer viruses, but just because I'm curious what text could possibly correspond to that title--and she said, "Not without a condom."

The second is a New York Times article headlined, "Haggard Pronounced 'Completely Heterosexual.'" This article contains an extremely interesting definition of "completely heterosexual," which boils down to something like "Reverend Haggard is completely heterosexual in the sense that, during the three years he spent having amphetamine-fueled sex-fests with a male prostitute, he was only acting out. And it won't happen again, we don't think." Aren't these the same people who mocked President Clinton for quibbling about what the definition of "is" was? Apparently rhetorical hair-splitting is only allowed if you're a Republican McEvangelist.